Not All Advice Is Good Advice

Occasionally, I am still amazed by the borderline insane advice that victims of abuse receive. I will often share, with permission and anonymity, the outlandish advice that an abuse victim shares with me. In hopes that it might stop an abuse victim from being tempted to accept nonsensical advice — regardless of who it’s from.

 

If this actual testimony from an abuse victim doesn’t disturb you to your core, it should: “The first pastor I went to for counsel when it was primarily verbal abuse, which later turned into physical abuse, retorted to me, “….it doesn’t matter if you feel like a doormat, be a doormat for Jesus. I fear for you if you don’t submit to God and your husband.”

 

Let that marinate. Let that be your mother or your daughter or your sister receiving that advice…Be a doormat for Jesus. THE DEVIL IS A LIAR! That foolishness is like telling someone, “Go play on the freeway and if you get killed, at least you’ll go to heaven.” This is 2021, this should not still be happening — but it does, and often. There should be no shortage of rebuke of abuse or clear instruction to an abuse victim to choose life over abuse — especially from the church.

 

There is no scripture in the Bible that supports this foolishness. And in case anybody ran to Ephesians 5:22, to support that chauvinistic heresy, back away from your one scripture Bible and get an understanding. First of all, Ephesians 5:22, is the B part to an A/B scripture (Ephesians 5:25-33 is the C part). The full text reads: “(A) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (B) Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:21-22).

 

Submission is a two way street, and it is out of reverence for Christ — both parties. Reverence means to show deep and complete respect…for Christ — in your actions towards each other. Submission to abuse is out of reverence for the devil. Jesus clarified that: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10).

 

I will keep repeating this because this one scripture, Ephesians 5:22, has contributed to more suffering by abuse victims than almost any other — by blind leaders of the blind. To the churches who have an occasion to give guidance to an abuse victim, reverence for Christ is a deep and complete respect for abundant life, not abundant abuse. There is no excuse for this kind of blatantly ignorant advice.

 

In case you, or somebody you know, is suffering in an abusive, destructive relationship because you were told there are brownie points in heaven for giving to dogs what is holy or throwing your pearls down before swine…Let’s be really, really clear: There is no reverence for Christ in submission to abuse. You are not a holy carpet to be walked on by anybody, ever. Period.